Soliloquy of a Juneberry

Transition

For once Miss Juneberry shall assume her own identity on her blog

Alone in hall with nothin to do... have just finished my last paper... my feeling??
elated? relieved? sense of loss?

the most surprising thing is - I did not experience any of these emotions...

nope.. none of those undescribable feelings that anyone who has been a student for more than 3/4 of her life should feel when she realised she can no longer assume that same identity anymore.

There was just this feeling of .. "hmmnnn... now that exams are over.. ph'raps I shall take a li''ll break" .. I don't even feel the kind of happiness and exuberance I always feel after the last papers of the previous sems.

To my friends who were with me today... i was just tryin to be energetic...

Maybe it's just the prospect of the impending audit work i shall be doing... maybe it's because I've only slept a total of less than 4 hrs for 2 days... or maybe I am just plain tired.. not physically tired.. but more of the "intangible" tiredness -.. tiredness of the soul .. not emotionally or mentally tired.. but something more pervasive.. i am not sure whether you undertstand...

Sometimes.. I do wonder.. am I born in this world just to study ... follow the same old tried and tested route ?? to work in the office day after day.. complain about work.. yet still not courageous enough break the routine... to marry someone whom I can live with but probably not love.. have children.. quarrel .. divorce..

Isn't there more to life than this??

Make no delusions.. The society isn't kind nor forgiving towards people who deviate from the routine/norm... those who refuse to marry without love are labeled "spinsters" and in the Victorian days... shunned by the public ... those who quit school to pursue their interests are described as bu2 hui4 xiang3 (impairment of logical reasoning ability) .. unless they prove to be successful later on... there are many more of such examples.... shouldn't those who took calculated risks be applauded for their courage even if they fail later.. sadly speaking.. this isn't what is observed...


Tell me.. do we exist to enjoy life or do we exist just to live?


Don't get me wrong.. i do not advocate taking courses of action without serious thought given to them .. in other words .. being overly optimistic about your own abilities and thinking of yi4 bu4 deng1 tian1.. these actions are just plain foolish ..


what i am driving at is for everyone to give less weightage to the monetary factor and to consider your interests when mapping out your future career plans..


I feel that i am stuck in a comfort zone.... perhaps I need a stronger dose of courage...


Give me another bottle of courage, Mr Oz!!

posted by juneberry @ Wednesday, May 04, 2005